Just Wallpaper Inside

1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat
belt!'

2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by
this child are not necessarily those of his parents.

3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right
now. She's hitting the bottle.'



4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover.. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?'

5) POLICE While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up
and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and
continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I
should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her..
'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you
please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front
of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got
back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked
at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he
do?'

7) ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers & wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself
for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered,
'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't
wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know
that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt..
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small
box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of
the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always
said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole
he goooes..' (I want this line used at my funeral!)


10) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't
write, and they won't let me talk!'


11) BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as
he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the
Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it.. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages 'Mama, look what I
found,' the boy called out 'What have you got there,
dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think
it's Adam's underwear!